4th class with Nadine was the most emotional class I've attended so far. I was surprised with my own self too for crying during the class. Without me realizing it, I am currently struggling with my own self in making the best decision for me and the baby.
Concerns, fear, frustration and disappointment
In rotation, everyone was expressing their concerns, fear, frustration and disappointment. Obviously, we all are having different emotions, response from family and friends and of course our own self conflict.
For me, I am very specific of what I know I want for my birth process. It is too crystal clear for me to avoid any excessive intervention from doctor and nurses. I really would like to have a very gentle and joyful moment of birth. Because, again, giving birth should be a wonderful experience, not a traumatic incident.
The discussions added more tears when Nadine emphasized on the importance for the baby to stay skin-to-skin with the mother and not letting him/her off from the mother's eyes even for the next 3 days (at least). The main intention is to keep the baby to feel secure, calm and remain attached with the mother. It's a new world for the baby, and they need the mother to assure them that they are welcomed! My immediate subconscious mind reacts to the topic, and brought me away with the memories when Irfan was born. I was able to skin-to-skin with him only 15 minutes before he was taken away for examinations by the pediatrician. Only after 12 hours, I was able to hug him and tell him that everything is okay, he is safe with me and we love him no matter what will happen. And then goes the tears. I couldn't stop blaming myself for not being able to be a good mom at that particular moment. I should have done better!
And I expressed my concerns with Nadine, while the other couples were listening, that I want my 3rd birth to happen as what I've been dreaming of; to be able to gently welcome my baby and to be able to keep my baby in my arms for as long as I could. But then, again, here comes my disappointment when I receive negative reactions from other family members and friends. They were telling me (subtly) that I should put my trust on doctors and nurses to birth the baby. The depressions get more intense because in reality, I am the one who is birthing my baby, the trust should be on me and my body, not others.
I was in tears during the hypnosis session. But today, I am a better person, full of confidence, and very firm with my plans. What's important for me today is to get myself mentally and physically prepared, practicing the technique, eat healthy and live happily until the birth day. But, I won't deny Allah's plans. He is surely having a better plan for me, but as a human, I shouldn't give up, and continuously put my effort in this, In shaa Allah. At least, I've done my part, and the rest, I leave it to Allah's.